What If?

Disclaimer: Before reading this, if you are one to read between the lines and get easily offended by something that someone has written thinking it is some how making fun of you, than stop reading right now, but if you are a normal blog reader and learn to take things at face value and just read for enjoyment than read on, maybe you'll understand my comic relief in all this! Just understand, I don't sit at home all day and think how to be vengeful through my blogging words, don't flatter yourself, I don't have time for that, I am too busy living my life!

To start explaining the points I am going to be making and talking about I'll start with this, a picture of myself in 2006 when me and my husband first started dating. I was 25, I weighed between 120 and 125 pounds, I wore a size 4-6 jeans depending on the brand, I cared about fashion ( I am wearing a Hollister shirt, now most of my shirts are from Wal-Mart or Target) I wore the same size bra I wear now, even though I am nursing, and I had no care in the world other than when and where to spend my money, keeping track of my cell phone minutes, texting fast enough, and dreaming of me and David's first kiss and first date. I was simply put in Love, in lala land! Oh, if life could always be that simple.

It makes me start to think, what if, I had never met Dave... so than I think. I would still be sad about my relationship before my husband, and never know that there was someone much better out there for me, and I deserved it. I would still be single and seeing as how I am almost 30, that is depressing to me, I was depressed at 21 and not married so every year older was even more depressing. I still would have been able to go and do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it, and not have to worry about the extra two little girls that depended on me. Needless to say I don't want that life back. Yes I still have the extra 20 pounds but 10 pounds for each kid, I can deal with that, they were worth it!

Here we are, newlyweds, my 26th birthday party with friends. We are loving life and being married to each other and knowing that we made the right decision. Reality is starting to set in, that we are broke and have to work hard to get out of debt and somehow be able to start Dave going to school, but at this moment in time, we are pretty naive. We know that we are having a party, that we are getting older, but nothing else has quite set in! We are together and that's all that matters to us.

What if... we hadn't moved to Orem, and instead stayed in Kennewick. Than Dave would have had to find a job, (which could have been possible), but it would have been a longer relationship and making him move from his job would have bothered him a bit. We probably wouldn't have been paying $661 for our one bedroom apartment, but living with a lot more money in our pockets which we would have just ended up blowing on junk. We went down to just one car realizing that we didn't need both, and to be paying on both, we went down to one cell phone because paying $70 a month out on cell phones for us was stupid, who ever had the car had the phone. We didn't go on trips, we didn't go out to eat all the time, and when we did it was cheap. We rented movies when they came out, we played games together on date nights, we spent $50 each on our first Christmas, and had a 4 ft tree (that we still use). Because we would have had more money, who knows if we would have decided to get prego a couple weeks after this (or, hmm this week?). As we worked in our sepearte jobs and saw the babies all around us and families all we could do was dream about having one of our own, we had both been in crappy relationships before this one and we were ready to start our lives.

Next phase... Here I am very prego with Sami, I have gained the necessary weight and it's all over but directly in my very large stomach. I am wearing no maternity clothes but make them work. We were still care free, no clue of the life changes we were about to have in a month, and all the changes that would take place in our life after this. We were moving back to Washington, living with my parents while we paid out on our last 2 months of rent, Dave was starting a new job, and he was starting school. We had everything we needed, we have love, we had food, and we knew getting a job, whatever job it would be would get us back to Washington, we couldn't see living that far away when we couldn't visit often, with a new baby that would never see it's 2 sets of grandparents and most of it's cousins living in Washington. We had prayed and knew we were doing the right thing.

What if, we had not moved back to Washington after the baby was born. Well Comp USA was going out of buisness so Dave would have had to find a new job. We couldn't get out of our apartment contract and so we would have not made rent with me not working, and there was no way I was going to pay someone else to raise my child, since every cent I earned would go to day care. We would never get to see or spend time with family, like we do every week, and our kids wouldn't know family very well, and we would still be the homebodies there just with less money, a lot less. And Dave probably wouldn't have started school, because he would be prob working 2 jobs to keep us a float.

Here we are almost 4 years after the day we got married and we are doing well. We now have 2 kids, both healthy girls, that make our life so joyful. Do they always wear the latest and greatest fashions, no, but they are clean clothes, and they fit, and there bellies are always full. They, get a long with each other. They love to watch cartoons together all day long, Love to run errands with mom and keep her out of mischief. Dave is in his 4th job since we have moved here but not at the lack of being able to hold a job, for normal reasons to switch jobs. He has about 2 years (we hope) left of school, he gets good grades, they pay us to go to school. We pay $625 a month for rent for a 2 bedroom place, that fits us well, and we are nice and cozy.

What if: Dave had been done with school when we got married, that would have been nice, but we would not have learned what we have learned on when and how to spend our money wisely. We would not have turned to the Lord as much as we have, we wouldn't have learned how to appreciate one another as much as we do (living in such tight quarters has helped us), we have learned to do with out and think twice about what we are spending our money on. If something is messy, It's messy but we don't get it cleaned up right away we don't freak out about it, knowing that we had kids and that is just how it gets sometimes. We constantly watch what we eat knowing that it's good or bad, and I exercise at least once a day, and often go to bed with sore muscles, not loosing a lot of weight, but am keeping more weight off. We are happy.

So if you are wondering what the point of this blog was, it was a chance for me to realize that even though decisions could have been made a different way, I am glad they went this way. Yes, some things have had to give in the process. I socialize with a completely different crowd, which consists of moms, mostly family. I have dealt with the fact that I know people that I love but will probably never see them again, but keeping in contact is fun, but a little depressing of sorts. But one things for sure, family is here to stay, spending all my time at home with my girls while never getting out of my pjs (yesterday) was a great day, we had a great day. Today we are leaving the house and getting out there with the "3 dimensional people" as I always say, but tomorrow we will be home again, and it will be a new day, with new problems. We will say our prayers and wish and hope for the best. I love my life, I wouldn't trade it for anything. In a few years we will be in a house, we will have 2 cars, we will have 2 cell phones and text all the time, we will wear the nicer clothes, we will eat out more often, we will spoil our kids at Christmas. But for now, this is life, we are blessed, we are happy and that is all that I can ask for!